In fact, the same neural system that houses the sexual orgasm also hosts anxiety, anger, aggression, and trauma. Resentmentįor many of us, sex and emotional intimacy are deeply tied. This will set a tone of honesty and authenticity for your relationships. Whatever the context, whether it be a game of flirtation, a long-standing relationship, or a short-term hookup, going through with a sexual act out of obligation will lead to guilt at least and shame at most, for you and your sexual partner(s).Ī major component of creating a healthy sex life is presenting the authentic self and being willing to say, “No.” Speak honestly about what you really want and don’t want right from the beginning. They can’t shut down the sexual momentum, even when things start to feel uncomfortable, because they feel responsible for creating it in the first place. After creating too much emotional momentum and hinting at things they only wanted in their fantasies, my clients often feel guilty for luring someone with tempting words. Many clients, who are looking for love and so hopeful they’ll find it, tell me that they are fierce in their flirtation. After specializing in the field for nearly 10 years, I have identified four common signs that your sex life may be unhealthy. In my office, however, one of the most frequent conversations I have is around unhealthy sex lives. Like we all know, healthy sex can be an incredibly emotional event, and it can be an experience of pure physical pleasure. Growing up, many of us had the “birds and the bees” talk, but not many had “birds and birds” or “bees and bees” talks. As a clinician who specializes in working with the LGBTQIA+ community, I often have conversations around healthy sex.